Sugery and Beyond

I wake up from surgery in the recovery room, listening to a nurse talk about tattoos. I have to give my comment in stating that sitting for a 12 hour tattoo is stupid. It is the same price in most cases if you spilt up the time. (After my journey is over, I'm getting one more tattoo)

Anyway, I am taken back to my room. I am not allowed to drink anything or have ice chips until the doctors determine that the surgery went according to plan and that I don't have any leaks from the stapling of my new stomach. Praise the Lord, I didn't. I was able to drink and slip on "food" that was in liquid form - so soups mainly. I really didn't feel like eating or drinking much the first few days while I was in the hospital. I had the small incisions - total of 7 of them. Moving around was difficult, but I needed to walk around if I wanted to get better quickier.

Three days after my surgery, on Friday July 16 I went home. To help with the pain I was given children's tyenol, children's gravol, and pure codine. Now I'm not too sure what happened but I just got sick. And Sick, sicker and worse. But because it was a gastric bypass I just assumed that was the way it was supposed to be. I would take my dose, fall asleep for about an hour and then be wide awake until my next dose. This continued friday into Saturday. Finally on Saturday I called my Aunt Elaine who is a retired RN. She didn't know I was having surgery much less the RNY Gastric Bypass so it was a bit of a surprise when I phoned. She came over and continued to watch me for the next day.

By Sunday night it was clear that something was seriously wrong and I needed to go into emergency. So we called the hospital where I had my surgery and it was an 11 hour wait. Decided to go to the local "mini hospital" Well that was a mistake. Talked to the Triage Nurse there and it was a 5 or so hour wait, but there wasn't much they could do and well, she said my body was just throwing up because it need to lose weight. She said her comment AFTER i just finished telling her I had Gastric Bypass surgery.

After I was told that there wasn't much to be done, we went back home. My aunt and my mum went to see if they could find me other gravol that may work. While they were gone, I threw up but it wasn't the normal throw up that I had been doing for the past three days. It was green and bile. Literally. It was my bile.

After I threw up that last time, my body calmed down a little and I slept. I actually slept for most of the night. Waking up once or twice until the morning. In the morning I decided that we needed to call the Clinic. My surgeon was going to be in that morning so hopefully he could shed some light on what was going on in my body. My aunt called the Clinic for me and they requested that I come right in.

I went in and had to convince them that I haven't been eating myself sick for the last 3 days. My Aunt (Bless her) had written down everything I was drinking and exactly when I was taking my medication so they figured out pretty quick that something was really wrong. They sent me for another leak test and xray. After those were over, I was admitted into the hospital.

As soon I was taken up to my room, I was approached by one of the other residence doctors and was told that I needed to signsome forms so they could take me back to surgery. Forms signed and off I went. While I was in the OR waiting for all the prep to be done - since they didn't do it on the unit like they were supposed to - I was told not to worry that if I woke up with the breathing tube still in, it didn't mean that all went to hell in a hand basket.

I woke up with a breathing tube in, my hands tied, and in the ICU.....

What a difference over a year makes....

Wow! The last post was actually written July 2009 when I was trying to figure out what to do...

Fast forward a year and 2 months to now.

I continued with the clinic here in Edmonton. I didn't get in to see the surgeon until February of 2010. One thing that most people notice as soon as they meet me if I'm short...very short. Not little person short but close enough. Well because I'm so short, my surgeon needed me to reach that 15% weight loss on my own before he would officially approve me for surgery. On May 3, 2010 I reached that point and I was officially approved for surgery. Papers were signed, appointments were booked, evreything was a go. Now I just had to wait for the call. The call that told me when my surgery was going to be.

I never got the call. After 6 weeks of waiting and waiting and keeping my phone by me so I didn't miss a phone call I decided to call the booking clerk myself. I was told that yes I'm still on the waiting list. But oh he has a surgery scheduled on July 13....okay you're appointment is July 13 I was told. I immediately called the clinic to let them know. I was given more appointments to attend and then I waited. Waited for the booking clerk to call back and tell me they made a mistake. My surgery wasn't supposed to be booked. They were wrong.

That call never come - thank goodness. I grew more and more nervous as the day drew near. Could I really have this weight loss surgery? Can I survive it? Am I making the right choice? Why did I have to pick the RNY gastric bypass? Should I of picked something simpler - like the sleeve?

July 13 came. I was driven to the hospital by a friend of mine who kept reassuring me that I am making the right decision. I signed papers and was asked to change into a gown with nothing on under (what no underwear I thought). Was given an iv and wheeled into the OR prep room.

Today I have done a lot of thinking, praying, and trying to decide what my next step in my life is supposed to be. I am honestly not too sure. I started my weight-loss journey about 5 months ago. I have fallen off the wagon, got back on, fallen off again and again got back on more times than I can count but now there seems to be a change in me. I may not like going to the gym all the time but slowly my habits and priorities have been changing. When I'm thirsty, more often than not I grab my water bottle to drink and not that can of Pepsi that I used to love. Now Pepsi doesn't really appeal to me. Oh there are days that I crave Pepsi but I try and try to not cave in. When I'm frustrated or mad and feel like giving it all in - I head off to the gym and try to release my anger that way. Am I perfect? NOT BY A LONG SHOT.

From finally watching what I eat - or at least trying to - and working out regularly, I lost 9.5 lbs in a month - which is a little less than 2 lbs a week. I am in this clinic that is helping me loss weight and they are monitoring me medically, making sure everything is okay. Well I had an appointment on Thursday and they told me that on my next appointment if I continue with everything they will schedule me an appointment to meet with a surgeon that will preform one of three gastric bypass surgeries on me. Well at first I was very excited, but now reality is hitting me.

What will it be like? What will I become? Will I like who I become? Can I even go through with the surgery? Do I have such bad eating habits already that I will be screwed and die? Do I even want to be smaller? -Yes I do but how different will I look? Will I even be me after - inside and out? Will I turn into a Bi***? All these questions are running through my head and I don't know the answers to most of them and it is scaring me spitless.

I am at a loss......